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03:07pm 13/12/2004
  back from camp. hmmmmmmmmm.............

camp was fun! =) and a great experience!
the lord lives and saved me has he!

anyway. these past few days have been absolute bliss.
met him after camp yesterday then went to nessa's house to slack with him kolin and ness.
it's so nice falling asleep in his embrace. =)
so warm and so secure.

at night nick called to say we got fired from terrazza. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. jokes. i've only worked there for 5 days! ahahaha. but it's ok. since i didnt feel like working anymore. i just want my cash now. YES! IMAGE 2001 HERE I COMEEEEEEEEEEE! ehehehhs.. ok yeaps.

oh and i'm quite surprised my mum actually was so friendly to razaleigh. amazing. ahahahaha... she's normally so hard with all my other boyfriends. but this time she actually said bye to him in a sing-song way. i mean.. she never ever spoke to the other guys unless they spoke to her. MIRACULOUS. =)
ahahaha.. wuteva. ummmmm yup.

just watched 'the world's richest penthouses' and they showed donald trump's trump tower penthouse. and then they showed the view from there... with the twin towers in it. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. i was like laughing. that show must have been really really old. ok maybe not that old. but old enough to have been able to capture the twin towers before it fell.

okokok. so i'm getting really bored now. there's nothing else to do. i feel so lifeless. sigh! AND MONEYLESS. nevermind. i'm broke and bored. bleah! waiting for him to come over =) k yea. that's all for now. love love! =)
 
     

(cut his dick)

 
   
12:40pm 10/12/2004
  hello! morning!

going camp later =( wont be able to see him for 3 days.
but i'll have his sweater with me =)

cant wait to see him. in about 1 and a half hours more! and we'll spend about 4 and a half hours together before i leave for camp. then i'm gonna miss him so so so so SO much.

wont spend christmas alone this year. i'll be spending it with the whole of terrazza. aaaahahaha. that is IF i dont quit OR get sacked before the holiday.


mehhhhh....... i miss him already. mwahahahs.. okokok.. it's' 12.51 now, about 2 hours and 40 minutes more to go.. gonna go pack my bag. and yea.... =) buhbyes!




today's gonna be just perfect.
 
     

(cut his dick)

 
to my dear =)   
12:33am 10/12/2004
  I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas
Is you, yeah

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
You baby

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeers click
'Cause I want you here tonight
Holding onto me so tight
What more can I do
Oh baby, all I want for Christmas is you
You

Oh-ho, all the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's laughter
Fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me

Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh, I just want him for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Oh baby, all I want for Christmas is you

All I want for Christmas is you, baby
All I want for Christmas is you, baby
 
     

(3 winces | cut his dick)

 
work sucks, i know!   
10:48pm 09/12/2004
  work sucked today!
'you're not even serious about ur job'
screw u. if i'm not serious, would i even be here when i'm sick. fuck off. really. i mean, dont ever tell me i'm not serious about my job. fuck. if i'm not, would i be spending every minute of my work hours running up and down, doing everything that needs to be done? I'M NOT THE ONE SLACKING ON THE JOB, NOT THE ONE STEALING TIPS, NOT THE ONE REFUSING TO CLEAR TABLES.

dammit la. every small thing also kena scolded. like as though working there is such a privilege. HELLO. I DONT FIVE A GUCK ABOUT YOUR RLOODY BESTAURENT.

sigh wuteva ok. today sucked. SUCKED. sigh. forget it. looking forward to tomorrow. hope it brings better luck. john just msged me to ask me about yes camp tomorrow. sigh. suddenly dont feel like going. ahahas. i shall la.

anyway. yes. AGHHHH. hate her. she's like so damned weird la. just like my grandma. maybe they're long lost sisters or something. look alike, have same make-up habits, and the same fucking attitude. both menopausing i think. wahahhaa. wuteva laaaa.... okok. yes.


cant wait for tomorrow.
so i'll get to see you again =)
 
     

(cut his dick)

 
you're the essence of my life.   
11:03pm 08/12/2004
 
mood: chipper
(= just read his blog =)

u just keep making me fall deeper.
so deep, i'm lost in you.

i guess we're both waiting. waiting for the right moment, if it even comes at all. i'm somehow afraid it might not. i'm somehow afraid it might just fade. u cant just fade. ur too real to be part of fiction. at least that's wut i think now. at this moment. i dont want u to fade. u cant.. now promise me that.. wait, u cant. u cant even see this. nvm.

am i the only one on your mind?
coz u are on mine.

today was fine. went to the doc's. got an mc for today again. then went to town to meet kolin. went to play pool for a while and then raza and jasper came. =) so sweet of him! then pooled even more. slacked, smoked and then went to eat and left early for home.

and i've got...
a raza keychain too.
and nobody else has it either =)

thanks to kolin and nessa. love u guys.

anyway, SMILE KOLIN! dont worry. we still love ya! =)

can't wait to see u again. friday =) cant wait for friday! just the 2 of us. =) omg. i shoul dstop smiling now. i'm such a goon! at least, i sure feel like 1. mwahahha. u make me feel insanely happy. lol.

i cant wait,
i cant wait.
but i must.
 
     

(cut his dick)

 
sick   
10:50pm 07/12/2004
 
mood: mellow
my nose feels like it's gonna drop off.

didnt work today. completely lost my voice. COMPLETELY.
i feel like shit, stupid nose, stupid throat.
alicia just made me get tissue and take some pipakao.
and i almost killed myself eating pipakao coz like.. i had to keep my mouth closed, take it slowly down my throat right. and my nose is stuffed so like, i totally couldnt breathe. wahahaha. dumbness. this is when medication kills.

ok so. woke up at umm, 1.49pm. ahahaha. then, got ready and met raza at bedok at around 3. left for town at around 4, met nessa and kolin. went to far east and then went back to ps to watch shutter. which was shitassly lame at some parts but gruesomely scary at others. ummm. but it's alright coz umm. he sat on the steps next to me and lent me his sweater =)

sigh. waiting, still waiting.

nevermind. worth the wait. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..... i need to cough. and i'm hungry. i wonder if joel's back in town. shall msg him. rich man's son. he'd better come terrazza and eat cake and give me tips. he'd better! suhairi's annoying. i mean. he's annoying to talk to. i cant even be bothered to reply him. ah hell. nevermind.

cant wait to see him again. oh well, looks like thursday is not an off day for me. how how how how how??!! i promised a date. but.. how now??? sigh.. howwwwwwww.......... maybe before.. or after work. or maybe i'll skip the first day of camp. or if i request to work 12-6 on thursday. can right? we'll meet at about 7 and yea. =) catch our movie. ah see how laa.. hmmm. miss you already. sigh. nevermind.

yea. i have to go warm up my nose before it falls off now. bye!
 
     

(cut his dick)

 
feels like the first time once more.   
02:20pm 07/12/2004
  i think i do..
i think i might.
omg. I DO.
i'm in love with you.



anyway, dear *********, hmmm. i dunno wut to say, u leave me speechless. for the first time, i have nothing to say to someone i like so much. this is amazing. i guess i just want u to know that this is not just a crush. it's more. and i know it. this is even more than all the other past feelings i've had in relationships. so so so much more. i'm falling in love all over again. =) i was so glad to see u yesterday. honestly. very very glad. u brightened up my whole day. i know i now sound like some teenage schoolgirl in love, which i am. but it's not that kind of fantasy, puppy-love. u mean so so much more than that to me. but really. i was so super happy yesterday that though i felt tired, work seemed so easy. ask nick. wahahahahs... he must've thought i was crazy. i was smiling the whole day for no bloody reason. =) cant wait for thursday!

ok yes. umm. that's all =) running off to meet the newly-coupled in town for about 2 hours before work. ARGH. WORK SUCKS. stupid hours. i'm so abused and underpaid. NEVERMIND. FOR THE MONEY!!! bye.
 
     

(cut his dick)

 
yay!!!!!   
01:01am 07/12/2004
 
mood: optimistic
hello!!!!

i'm finally back!!!

these few days have rocked for me =)
1. got a job at terrazza cafe
2. workplace has awesome people who rock awesomely big time
3. got over no. 8
4. found someone i really really like. =)

i pray and hope and wish that maybe... things could just work out one day. still waiting for that star to fall. still dreaming. =) i'm soooooooooooo elated!! damned happy today coz like.. when i went to work, during my break, he popped out of nowhere. omg!! =) like a dreeam come true. umm just that this was only part of the dream. sigh. i so wish i could have like hugged him or something. but NEVERMIND. =) just glad. well, u can say that today was extremely splendid.

anyway. nick is such a sweetieeeee! he like.. kept wine for us! and asked me first! yea. i rock. hahaha. and then, he went in search of free pizza for us to eat. and then he like.. punched out for me!! and then he like wanted to walk me to my mum's car. absolutely unnecessary. i'm big enough. actually we're the same age. but wtf. ahahaha. ok. yes.

umm Kolin said i have to give him special attention coz he's the matchmaker.
hah.

BTW, I LOST MY VOICE. blardee shiattttttt.

ok anyway, i got a total of $47 bucks of tips in credit. shitasskabash. if it were cash. i woulda soooooo taken it for myself!! rubbish! u know how far 47 bucks coulda gotten me??!! ok. no, not really far. but.. SIGHHHHHHHHHH! I'M DESPERATE FOR CASH OK! darnit la. hahaha. nessa, i beat ur record for tip collecting. 2 days ago, on only my SECOND DAY, i collected 15bucks+ as tips. yes, u can say again that I ROCK. wahahaha. man. ok. yes.

anyway, no matter how much i rock, he still rocks more. so wuteva =)

so yeaaaa i dunno! cant wait for thursday. wooo =)

and the song of the day reminds me of him the other day wgen he was playing drums =) =)
 
     

(cut his dick)

 
   
10:54am 10/09/2004
  tell all my friend's i'm dead
i'm leaving you
this time it's for good


WHHOOOOOHOOOOO!!! ok darlings. lemme update the latest news on my band, WHAT NOW.
ok i've asked for permission to play at the school'd Graduation Luncheon. support please??????????? i mean, if i have to like run a petition, will u all support us? WE'LL PLAY GOOD MUSIC OK? I PROMISE! anyway even if we play, i doubt they'll allow moshing. WHO MOSHES IN HEELS ANYWAY? smart people will wear flats. OR CHUCKIES LIKE ME AND NESSA! hahahahaha..

songs we will play:
1. Sonny - NFG
2. Forget my name - NFG
3. I want to hear you sad - The Early November
4. Over it - Rufio (acoustic, finally some easy listening! hahaha)
5. Letters to you - Finch (GOD U HAVE TO LOVE THIS ONE!)

and by the way WHAT NOW might be playing for Arts fest, organised by HeartRock Singapore. =) CANT WAIT! but that's next yr! and also, yes, i fortell alot of gigs next yr! omg. this so fukng rocks!


*and so she awaits the fateful news*
 
     

(cut his dick)

 
   
01:46pm 04/09/2004
  i think, i dunno.

i'm gonna force my way into a performance at our graduation party! =)
the temporarily called 'PISSED NYMPHS' shall force their way into a performance at KC's graduation luncheon 2004!!!

btw, our first ever performance, apart from the above mentioned, I SHALL WEAR A SMALL BLACK TEE AND JOE BOXERS! =) so fun!

i cant wait. i mean, i'm waiting for a reply from siti. den i'll plan my next move. hahahaha.. i'll like.. make people sign a petition. if it's approved, PEOPLE, PLEASE WEAR NICE SHOES FOR THE GRAD LUNCHEON.. MOSH ALLOWED!

lalalalala....... so anyway, uh, stomach cramps. sucks being a girl.

yesterday sucked shit. well, forget it.

so anyway, i think, hmmmmm.. i dont know. CANT WAIT TO OPEN MY BAND =) how many times have i said that? hahahaha. screw it.
 
     

(cut his dick)

 
   
08:21am 28/08/2004
  Metallica
Heavy metal! You rock! It's mostly about the
music instead of lyrics for you...but you
channel most of the emotion through the lyrics!
Mosh pit for you! Just be careful you don't
give yourself a concussion with so much
headbanging...


What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

WHYYYYYYYYYY I PREFER EMO!.......................shit quiz.
 
     

(cut his dick)

 
the totally rufio fan...   
08:07am 28/08/2004
  yea, i think the opening for my band might start earlier than expected.
can't wait.

yesterday's jamming was PUUUURFECT.
but now my sister's having a real bad fever (worried, for once), maybe it's God's way of making me cherish her more. and maybe it's just retribution for the torn-and-not-reported snare skin yesterday at the studio.

well, heart's for rent.
again.
.
.
.
maybe i should leave it this way.

and yesterday's gig. WOAH. CFB ROCKS MAN!!!!!! paul rocks! gabriel rocks! field rocks! james rocks! ben rocks! they all rock!

and martin was the pro. totally awesome drumming!

for the first time, i feel so empty. and i like it.




btw, RUFIO ROCKS. i love their music. lyrics are wonderful. almost therapeautic.
 
     

(2 winces | cut his dick)

 
   
08:31pm 26/08/2004
  BY THE WAY ALL,

KESHIA'S STARTING AN ALL FEMALE PUNK ROCK BAND! WOOOoOOoOOOooooOOOHooOooOOOoooooOOOoOoOoO!

GOT THE FULL LINEUP ALREADY, JUST NEEDS ANOTHER GUITARIST =)

boy am i glad.
 
     

(2 winces | cut his dick)

 
oh my cow!   
08:09pm 26/08/2004
  I'M BACKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!

whilest singapore idol is being screened on tv. *snigger*
i shall update this almost inactive thing with a statement:

i think i like him. well, YES! i think so. he's like.. *screams*

yes, bye!
 
     

(cut his dick)

 
   
08:55pm 17/08/2004
  today's english o levels oral examination WAS SO FUN! i hope i did well, at least, i had fun. it was so bloody funny, the laydee was laughing, i was laughing, THE MAN WAS LAUGHING. YES! GERALDINE'S WORST ENCOUNTER BY AN ORAL EXAMINER WAS LAUGHING. hahahahah. too good =)

i love zach.
 
     

(2 winces | cut his dick)

 
confessions of the newly certified mosher   
03:06pm 18/07/2004
  WOOHOO! yest went to baybeats with zach, shawn, spencer, shahrul, matthew, clinton and violet who was being a sweetie and carrying out things for us. WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! FUCKING FUN I TELL U! but like. ya, now got a bruise at the back on my spine. and i just realised i had a few most injuries i did not realise yesterday.. like on my left knee! BUT IT'S WORTH IT! i feel like moshing again..

hmm.. but the bloody spoiler.. wah.. fucker. see him again, sure whack. dare not mosh, humji coz he wearing slippers.. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!

man! today is the last day of baybeats.. AND I CANT GO?! shit. should have gone on friday with paul and co. nevermind! wahahahas! i plan to get a big group of people to go to tv's first official gig in the music scene. WOOHOOO!! WE SHALL ALL MOSH!! YEA! felt good having them boys recognised as TRAJIK VALENTINE yesterday, even though by second storey. i mean, it was nice, knowing that people now refer to them as a band, not as individuals. it's so damned lovely a feeling.

I WANNA MOSH MORE! shahrul's a fun guy to go to gigs with man! bloody crazy fella.

my boyfriend is currently playing pool with spencer leon and gabriel. and umm, he's an idiot! when he's out with his frens, he completely forgets me. such a fucker ok. and i'm pissed off. how can 1 possibly not get angry!!!

wth. anyway, moshing rocks. and i love it. ROCK ON!
 
     

(cut his dick)

 
and now, the end is near, and so i face the final curtain.   
04:43pm 07/07/2004
  i dont know wut's running through my mind now.
i know a break up isnt what i want, but i guess i have to?
i dont see how there can be another way out.
also, no matter what, i will press on to be out of the band.
kelvin should stay. he deserves to.
i don't.

i'm sorry things turned out this way. but i really need to get away from all of this even if it's just for now. i need a break, honestly. these few days so many times i've felt like breaking down. held on till now, cant go on further. maybe i'll come back, maybe i wont. all i know is that for now i just need time out. a few days perhaps. and maybe when this is all clearer for me, we'll know.

all i am affirmed of is that i love you, and i really do. but this is just too much for me to handle. i cant contain it within my frame. a few days apart would do us good too.




i love u, i just need time.
 
     

(cut his dick)

 
   
06:39pm 02/07/2004
  hmm.. zach's sick. wonder if i'll get it too.

well, tragik seems to have come to a sudden standstill? NO I CANNOT LET THIS HAPPEN.

i feel damned fat. like. i put on 1 kg! today's weight is 52.4!! DIE. i shall be anorexic. but i think somehow it's the pills. ever since i started on them i've had these terrible hunger pangs! i cannot stand it. feels worse that gastric. but they're slimming pills, not supposed to make u hungrier and heavier!! anyhoo, still cant believe i used to be a slamming 60. woooooooooah man. i will die!

wells wells wells, hmm.. bored la. i like cat class. yea! it's fun! but jerald should like, shrink. he's too bloody damned tall. when i talk to him next to me it's like i'm looking up at the stars. darmit. i know i'm short, people, stop emphasizing.

ok i need to get a grass is singing book. i will die ok!!

dunno where to go tomorrow. 1 thing confirmed is we're hell going to play pool. tomorrow hopefully, me, zach, spence, sam, alex, should ask spence to ask violet right? hahaa i wanna see how they are together. so unthinkable.

my dad's coming back tomorrow. how queer! he normally comes back like last week of every month on fridays. tomorrow is the first saturday of the month! strange.

I HAVE A CRAVING FOR CURRY PUFFS AND MORE FRENCH TOASTS! i'm such a pig. ok well, bye! love u all! espesh my darling b.

love,
ms fat piggy.
 
     

(cut his dick)

 
   
11:58am 24/06/2004
  my grandpa's birthday today!

i decided not to go for the interview. i needed a resume, which i so didnt know how to write and even if i did, it'll be empty.

i wish i watched news the american way. they show people being beheaded on national tv. in singapore the only news we get is people crying. I WANT IN ON THE ACTION.

i finally know how to describe emocore. i'd say it's melodious metal. yes, that's wut it is. and the avenged cd. ROCKS. so this is my vow to myself. emocore shall be part of me. i want to live it. ok i sound like a stupid posuer but i'm sorry ok. ah, emocore is musiq, is life. i shall be more reserved and pursue music my one love apart from my physical 15mth and 2 days partner zach, the only one human i could love.

had my tattoo touched up yesterday. wahahahahaa. "so do u still remember the pain?" DUH. but i like pain, somehow. self-mutilation.

cant believe glenn ong proposed to jamie yeo. was it only his way of getting out of her would-be future claims of rape charges? ok no offence.

well, bbq tonight. I CANT WAIT TO SEE THAT BITCH AGAIN. i hope something happens. hell, i wouldnt care who was there, i'd throw a punch right to her face, watch me. i shall be quiet and kept to myself tonight, unless my tail gets stepped on by a certain somebody. all i need is just for her to say "bitch" and me, that's it.

i'd like to proudly announce the cd that i'm proudest to have in my possession was bought for $35 from hmv the heerens and is called WAKING THE FALLEN - AVENGED SEVENFOLD! i love it! and the fukker had only 5 pieces left. WOWIE. now gotta nicely burn 3 copies of it. shucks. should have bought it in low-profile. a certain someone: NO WAY UR GONNA GET UR HANDS ON THIS. IT'S MINE. SHOO.

i love avenged. i'm a new fan. and i love avenged. emocore here we go i guess! woopie!

i know it's hurting you, but it's killing me..
 
     

(cut his dick)

 
forgotten?   
10:18am 22/06/2004
  this whole holidays, i havent been out with me girls! sadness! apparently, all of us forgot. but we're going out today =) nice to be with them again! though nessa cannot come. sigh.

and also, when i planned to go out today, i forgot i have my cenosis appt, shall change it.

today's also my 15th month. well, obviously, he forgot. ='( and like i told shawn, i dont expect him to remember.

sharul's annoying. it's like, shawn cant get him, drew zach and kelv dont know how to contact him and when i msged him, he never replied. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO JAM ON FRIDAY WITHOUT A BASSIST??! annoyance.

ok well. eating in front of my comp now. i wanna finish this faster so i can go watch the cook shows on tv and prepare myself to go to shatec. hahahaha! bye!
 
     

(2 winces | cut his dick)